Saturday, 12 August 2017

A goodbye?

Hi there.

I hope you are doing fine, wherever you are.

It's hard. It's unfair when you told me that I'm not giving you attention. It's not fair when you said that I macam tak kisah pasal you. My life are all revolving around you. Nak buat semua benda mesti dengan awak, bercerita at the end of the day dengan awak. If only you know that. I'm a clingy girlfriend, a spoil brat. I used to spam your whatsapp like there is no tomorrow. Tapi, i hate when you ignored it all and tiba-tiba "Salam". I looked stupid. You look matured.

But then, I told myself "hey dia kerjalah, dia penat tu jangan semakkan dia". So I stopped hovering over you macam budak kecik. Tried to be at your tahap 'serious and not to play around'.

I'm tired to explain. To force myself to communicate every time we have problem. I love to keep silent. Bila you marah, i will say something like "okay", "im sorry, i love you", "dah la tuh". Memanglah its not that easy to lepaskan org buat salah camtu je. Em yelah, betul lah tu.

If its not you, i dah mencarut dah bila marah-marah as i pun senang marah jugak.

Just the difference is, I am afraid of you. Just like how I am afraid of my father.

Right now I feel bad. I thought I've loved you hard enough but I guess I'm so wrong. You don't see my love. I did exactly nothing in my life for you. I feel horrible. I feel that I'm not enough. I got so many things to say but I don't think that I can save a relationship by defending myself.

I make some distance for me to hide from the painful truth.
I'm just not good for you.


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