Saturday, 31 October 2015

Amirah, this is you.

People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. You are usually the leader in group activities. You lead a fast-paced and busy life. You move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously and are involved in many activities. You love bright lights and hustle and bustle. You are likely to take risks and seek thrills. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits.

You are a moderately imaginative person who enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy. You are reasonably interested in the arts but are not totally absorbed by them. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. As a person who is open-minded to new and unusual ideas, you love to play with and think about ideas. You also like to debate intellectual issues and often enjoy riddles, puzzles and brain teasers. Often you exhibit a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. Sometimes you feel a certain degree of hostility toward rules and perhaps even enjoy ambiguity.

You generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You do not particularly like helping other people. Requests for help feel like an imposition on your time. You are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You are willing to take credit for good things that you do but you don't often talk yourself up much. You are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgements based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.

Often you do not feel effective, and may have a sense that you are not in control of your life. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans. You find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining and are sometimes seen as unreliable or even irresponsible by others. Mostly you work towards achieving your best, although in some areas you are content just to get the job done. You have strong will-power and are able to overcome your reluctance to begin tasks. You are able to stay on track despite distractions. You are not an overly cautious person. You will think about alternatives and consequences but make up your mind fairly quickly.

Sunday, 25 October 2015

Rasa yang kau kata biasa

Assalamualaikum.

Moga hati masih ada warna.
Moga jalan masih nampak pembahagi
Moga kau masih yang sama
Moga rasa masih belum pergi

Dalam dasar jiwa yang paling dalam
Satu tempat yang aku sendiri masih tak pasti
Jujur aku kata, aku masih tercari-cari
Siapa aku yang bersembunyi di sebalik tubuh

Pengkhianat
Kau dasar manusia pengkhianat paling hina
Hingga habis jaya, kau khianat diri sendiri
Tak penatkah hidup dalam pura-pura?

Wahai diri empunya hati
.
.
.
.
.
Tak salah, cintai diri sendiri

Penilaian mereka hanya aku gambarkan seperti assumption-manusia-yang-digabung-menjadi-cerita. Tambah sini sana buat penambah perasa.

Aku dah kata, zaman sekarang ramai manusia yang tak takut dosa.


Thursday, 22 October 2015

Kelana

Kau tengok bermacam jenis kebodohan. Kau lari jauh- jauh, lari dari kebodohan dunia. Jauh ribu mana kau lari, kau tetap di takuk yang sama. Kau tetap rasa perasaan yang sama. Nak tahu sebab apa? Sebab kau masih orang yang sama. Kau sibuk kisah pasal kebodohan orang lain, kau lupa tengok diri sendiri. Ahhh patutlaaah, kau juga sejenis kebodohan. Tanpa kau sendiri sedar. 

Dasar manusia

Hati kotor berkelana

Sudah aku khabarkan kepada diri aku sendiri untuk lepaskan semua rasa ini. Sudah aku beri amaran keras supaya usah peduli. Kau memang begitu, keras dan sakit. Jiwa kau memang sakit, tak payah susah payah jadi orang lain. Tak payah susah payah berkorban. 

Kau tak makan, tak sihat ada orang kisah? Ada orang nampak kau bila kau lalu? Kau ni betul betul makhluk hidup ke? Orang lain mungkin tak tahu, tapi kau sendiri tahu. Kau tengah berlawan monster dengan diri kau sendiri, takde orang perasan. Dorang ingat kau berfoya-foya dengan kehidupan. 

Sadis hidup kau. 

Kau tegup air, rasa bahang api volcano. Air green tea ais kot. Kau tengok orang pandang kau, macam pandang bahan jijik.

Persetankan mereka, kau tak perlu peduli.

Friday, 16 October 2015

#utmawesome2

Assalamualaikum hoho.

Keadaan begitu menekan dan aku hanya mahu bergumpal seperti bola salji di dalam comforter. Well, I really think that I should write about few explicit things sebelum aku lupa dan hilang rasa haha.

Lately, aku agak gagah duduk di library. Cuma 2-3 hari ni je aku longlai sikit. Almaklumlah letih gilaa. Kopi pun memang aku nak tinggalkan. Dulu, aku minum around 4 cup sehari. Muka aku ni lah paling taat setia kat vending machine tu. Jerawat mencanak macam hantu apa dah, lalu aku mengalah dan akur pada kehendak jerawat puaka ni hoho.

So so so, dalam library especially malam  minggu memang local student duduk dalam bilik, tidur, tengok movie dan makan maggi. Nak canggih sikit, keluar jalan ke apa. International student memang akan tercongok dalam library ni tegak memanjang cam bela saka (hahaha mulut jahat). Taklah, aku gurau je, aku nak cakap yang dorang sangat hardworking. Aku pernah tengok ada student from Nigeria yang duduk kat meja belajar tu 6 jam straight! Apa kejadahnyaaaaaaaaaaaa.

So, aku kenal Song Pil Kyung, exchange student from Korea huhu. By the way, kat sini memang ramaaiii sangat foreign student. Kalau makin malam kau kat area library, kau boleh lupa yang kau sebenarnya berada di Malaysia. Eceh. Aku memang communication skill memey cam harom so tak ramai international student yang aku tegur.

But takpe, itsokay. Dekat UTM ni kita ada Fazz. HAHAHA.

Takdelah, for sesiapa yang tahu how much aku sangat teringin nak study abroad memanglah i want to seek their experience. But bila aku tengok Song hahaha nak nangis aku dibuatnya. He wants everything to be on a perfect track. But untuk aku, sebab aku tak minat dengan benda yang aku buat ni sebenarnya so I found myself wandering dalam gelap, jadi terlalu fleksible. But seronok sangat dapat rasa macam-macam benda baru.

And library ni dah macam rumah kedua aku. And aku sangat sangat sangat dah consider untuk tukar course , "Phsychology and Human Resource Development". Actually aku baru tahu course tu ada kat sini sebab masa archery tadi aku ada kenal sorang student from course tu. Then, aku terfikir balik yang aku kena tukar kolej emmmmm. Ptptn aku repair and renew. And banyaaaak sangat benda yang aku kena tukar. Dan aku memang jenis pemalas. So aku pun menepek lah dalam SSCZ. But, we'll see.

Cakap pasal archery, peeeh memang bestlah. Agak payah at first, but so cool.

Huagh, May Allah show me the way. Assalamualaikum.

Sunday, 11 October 2015

Nak bagitahu yang aku letih jeee

Assalamualaikum.

Hai awoks.

Well aku tak tahu nak mula dari mana. And aku tak tahu apa yang patut aku cakap dulu haha.

Emm aku rasa macam-macam sekarang ni. Dah campur-campur, half of me rasa sangat bersyukur and another half rasa incomplete. Sebaaab? Hah, limit. Betapa aku baru perasan, betapa limitnya aku jika dibandingkan dengan infiniti. Betapa jauhnya infiniti yang aku boleh assume dengan infiniti yang sebenar. Kerdilnya aku, baru bukak langkah, terus terhadang kepak kaki sendiri. Sebab ... Limit.

Aku terlalu memaksa mungkin. Duduk dalam library from tengahari sampai hampir ke tengah malam. Apa yang aku cuba buat ni aku pun tak faham. Aku pernah rasa seksa belajar, tapi malam tadi aku rasa mual, macam nak pitam. Fuhh weh, aku tak pernah rasa macam tu doe. Hmm adakah aku terlalu memaksa diri? Di library, dah memang semua orang obses belajar sampai aku nak tidur pun tak sanggup. Seriously.

Then now, I lose the passion. I almost vomit the wasteful hardship. I'm so stupid. I took things all for granted. Kelakar, kelakar sangat. Despite segala macam yang aku rasa, Allah still sayang aku. Dia hantar manusia-manusia hebat dia untuk aku. Tash, Pa'a, Fiza, aku tak tahu macamana nak say thankyou.

Dah tu, aku cuba lari. Lari from buat kesilapan yang sama. Tapi aku sedar sampai bila aku perlu lari? Nanti kalau aku penat canne? Sebenarnya, tujuan aku post bukan nak cakap pasal ni HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Aku nak cakap pasal benda lain, ok maybe aku penat sangat. Malam ni ada test, tak baca habis lagi tapi aku ni memang nazak. tunggu time nak syahid je. So aku tidur dulu.

Selamat petang yang penuh kemaafan.