Saturday, 1 August 2015

Sebab kita kawan, aku pula sukakan kejujuran

Kawan.

Kawan-kawan.

Takde beza mana pun, sama je J. Aku bukan nak jadi baik hati, bertanggungjawab etc. Cuma, ada beberapa part dalam aspek kehidupan yang aku lalui lebih dahulu from diorang and rasa nak tolong tapi kadang-kadang aku malas nak ambik tahu hal orang. Aku lebih tenang watlek watpis sorang-sorang kot.

Mungkin sebab mudah rimas dan masalah cepat marah (lololol), idk.

Dulu, masa form 4. Ramaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiii bestfriend ai pindah (asrama mostly) tinggalkan ai. Sedih gak lah sebab kena jadi “org yang ditinggalkan”. Aku just tak suka, serious. So, ramai budak baru masuk kelas tu. At first, aku tak minat. Susah gila nak blend. Aku duduk kat meja, tulis-tulis, pura-pura jadi budak pandai (baca buku teks) & yang paling aku minat ialah TIDUR. Tu je, tahun tu pulak aku resigned from jd pengawas. Heaven namaaati.

Cuma, people they judge. They do. They always do. Sampah.

Form 5 mungkin hubungan tu ok kot, dah mula tegur-tegur buat kelakar. It was fun. But still, aku takdelah macam nak jadi baik sangat-sangat tolong orang. Aku lebih suka “aku buat hal aku, kau buat hal kau”. Lalu, hidupku sempurnaaaaaaaaaa. (sebenarnya tak baik cemtu)

Dah habis sekolah, masuk matriks pun gituwww. Malas malas malas, baik tak payah baik sangat dengan orang (paranoia). Aku takde ramai kawan pun plus aku tukar modul, tukar praktikum. Benda jadi lagi complicated. Kuliah pun payah nak tegur org (due to my zero social skill). Shame shame. But, I’ve managed to prevent my bongok-self frm involving any kind of major problem. I’m out of sight (eleleh). But series aaaa.

Still, I have many good friends. Still, I have doubt. Still, I’m struggling. Still, I keep things by my own. Still, I don’t let them to step into my dimension easily. Still, I feel awkward. Still, I see gap. Still, I isolate myself.
                                                                                                                                                                               



Still, I need friends & I’m nothing without them. But I always know things that I shouldn’t know.







They might never know how much I’m aching. So I decided to be happy for them. I gave them spaces, I gave them my turn. Somehow, it hurts me when I’m not being well-appreciated. It really kills me when they think that they are the most unlucky person in the world. How they treated themselves pathetically after I gave them my chance.



Technically, I always need to be alone. So I don’t have to pity others and do any sacrifice just like I’m their mother.

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