Tuesday, 19 September 2017

Isn't the pain is too beautiful?

Life is weird
And that is the beauty of living!

Tak semua yang kita rancang akan sentiasa menjadi.
Percaya, aturan Allah itu yang terbaik (fullstop). No compromise!
Tiada hujah yang boleh menandingi hikmah.

Percayalah kepada kepercayaan, erk?

Kat situlah terletaknya harapan. Manusia mana yang boleh hidup tanpa harapan?
Cara menaruh harapan yang paling mantap; berdoa :)

Hari ini tak pernah menjanjikan esok, sebagaimana semalam tidak menjanjikan hari ini.
Its looks macam randoms giles but actually it was planned by THE ONE WHO KNOWS IT ALL.

Siapalah kita untuk menyalahkan takdir. Telan dalam-dalam & life goes on.

Let say me myself la. I'm someone yang memang dah malas nak tunjuk yang i ambil tahu but deep inside God knows how I want this person to be fine. I don't adore him/her anymore but I will convince myself  'hey I want you to be happy' from far. Why use the word 'convince'?

Adalah. Hahaha.

Regret is something yang aku jarang-jarang iktiraf dalam kamus hidup aku lol. Tak kisah la perkataan nya atau pun rasanya sekali. Sebab aku jenis yang akan go sampai puas,sampai selagi boleh. Kalau nak suka tu, suka betul-betul, suka lagu dengar je playlist sama sampai setahun, replay je lagu sama 24 jam. Suka orang, suka betul-betul, bagitahu terus terang-terang, try sehabis baik, tunggu sehabis waktu. Orang tak suka balik? Orang reject? Ha yelah takpelah kalau macamtu, aku dah bagi sehabis habisnya aku so mungkin aku ni bukan yang kau nak sejak dari awal lagi. Cau dulu.

Easy liddat. Sounds easy *smirks*.

Kenapa analogi ni? Sebab senang nak kasi orang lain rasa apa yang aku rasa lol.

Tapi kau tahu apa?

Bila aku dah angkat kaki, aku memang siap basuh dengan dettol and clorox terus. Siap sekali kasi renjatan elektrik sampai aku lupa semua benda, semua rasa. Sebab tu dah tak rasa apa. I can fall in love very hard and hate passionately. In every aspects!

Someone told me; kau ni spesis setan bertopeng hello kitty, kan? LOL

Because I destroy people in the most beautiful way as possible.
I can't draw, can't create pretty handcraft but I do arts on people's memories.
 
Sooner or later I will make you die a little and a little more.
You will left with nothing
Then you will need to start again

I just wanna help you to grow up! *Alasan*

Pelik kan post kali ni, kejap aku suruh orang terima hakikat dan percaya pada ketentuan Tuhan tiba-tiba aku promote kebencian dan kegelapan haha.

It feels like I'm trapped in this "un-synchronized" body and soul. I got a portion of happy+clingy personality and always feels so gloomy inside. Erk.


Tapi tak kisah lah.
Bukan kau yang rasa huhu.
Malahan bukanlah diri kau.

Akhir kata, aku kembali kepada mode neutral;




Salam mencari & mengenal diri.
Salam kita stranger.

Selamat malam!

 

Tuesday, 15 August 2017

*Puteri Harbour*

Nak senyum lebar-lebar boleh? Nak senyummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm je banyak-banyak.

:')

Dari dulu aku berpegang pada prinsip; love someone with the way he/she wanted/needed.

It is a side of a friend yang aku jarang tengok, kerna aku bukanlah sesiapa. Malahan, dia bukanlah seperti yang dulu denganku huuuuuuu.

Yang lepas tu, aku simpan sebagai kenangan yang paling merepek dan antara koleksi yang indah-indah dan sekali seumur hidup. Aku harap kau pun sama.


Aku pun bahagia dengan hidup aku sekarang.

Saturday, 12 August 2017

A goodbye?

Hi there.

I hope you are doing fine, wherever you are.

It's hard. It's unfair when you told me that I'm not giving you attention. It's not fair when you said that I macam tak kisah pasal you. My life are all revolving around you. Nak buat semua benda mesti dengan awak, bercerita at the end of the day dengan awak. If only you know that. I'm a clingy girlfriend, a spoil brat. I used to spam your whatsapp like there is no tomorrow. Tapi, i hate when you ignored it all and tiba-tiba "Salam". I looked stupid. You look matured.

But then, I told myself "hey dia kerjalah, dia penat tu jangan semakkan dia". So I stopped hovering over you macam budak kecik. Tried to be at your tahap 'serious and not to play around'.

I'm tired to explain. To force myself to communicate every time we have problem. I love to keep silent. Bila you marah, i will say something like "okay", "im sorry, i love you", "dah la tuh". Memanglah its not that easy to lepaskan org buat salah camtu je. Em yelah, betul lah tu.

If its not you, i dah mencarut dah bila marah-marah as i pun senang marah jugak.

Just the difference is, I am afraid of you. Just like how I am afraid of my father.

Right now I feel bad. I thought I've loved you hard enough but I guess I'm so wrong. You don't see my love. I did exactly nothing in my life for you. I feel horrible. I feel that I'm not enough. I got so many things to say but I don't think that I can save a relationship by defending myself.


I make some distance for me to hide from the painful truth.
I'm just not good for you.



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